FAQ

In the spirit of being a good blogger, and while I write my list of questions for the clinic appointment (which I am unashamedly putting off by doing this, because it’s too scary) I thought I’d answer some of the queries that have led people to this blog via search engines. Some are more unusual than others, as you will see.

1. My cake flopped. Indeed. So did mine, in Australia, but that was because the oven was crap. I don’t know why your cake flopped, but don’t open the oven half-way through, and have a look at the recipe to see if you got the quantities right. Also, don’t forget the baking powder, and if all else fails, make brownies instead.

2. How long after hysteroscopy can you drink wine? Er, well, I’d probably wait until the effects of the general anaesthetic have worn off. Unless you didn’t have an anaesthetic, in which case perhaps a quick stop at the pub on the way home? If yours was anything like mine, you’ll be needing a drink.

3. Acronyms for need more wine. What is it about this blog and wine questions? I didn’t think I talked about wine that much. Anyway, NMW?

4. Is French Dom drink good for women? Well, definitely, if you ask my mother-in-law. However, I’m not sure that she’s the fountain of all verifiably knowledge. Certifiable knowledge, more like.

5. Uterus with two endometriums. How on earth did you discover this? Get thee to a doctor, you’re a medical marvel!

6. What if your uterus is almost see-through? All I can really think of to say is: a) how on earth did you discover this? And b) that doesn’t sound normal. At all.

7. I quit drinking to get pregnant and my periods are lighter. I’m not entirely convinced alcohol, or the lack thereof, has been the contributing factor to your period change. I must stop talking about wine…

8. Kangaroo Uterus. A kangaroo’s uterus? A uterus shaped like a kangaroo? If you have either one I’d be concerned. Where did you get it from?

9. Wheezing while weight-lifting. Lots of people have searched for this, and I have only one thing to say to all of them. STOP WEIGHT-LIFTING IF YOU ARE WHEEZING! TAKE YOUR INHALER! Surely this is common sense?!

10. I blow lots of raspberries. What’s wrong with me? Well, where do I start? I don’t think it’s a medical condition. If you don’t want to blow raspberries, well, don’t. It’s as simple as that, really.

11. Who sang “How I love my mother-in-law”? Not me. Definitely not me. For one thing: I don’t sing, and for another: if I did, I wouldn’t be singing about my mother-in-law. Are you telling me that someone actually recorded this? hang on, let me google it now… Oh dear. Apparently someone did.

12. If you are worried and you know it. Clap your hands?

13. 31 weeks pregnant I can stick my finger up my cervix. Hmmm. Why on earth are you googling this and not PHONING YOUR MIDWIFE!? a) You should not be able to stick your finger up your cervix, b) why would you want to, and c) How on earth are your fingers long enough to do that? You must have some strange, spider-type hands there. I’ll say again: PHONE YOUR MIDWIFE!

14. Something cheerful to do. Oh dear, if you’re resorting to searching for this on the internet, you do sound depressed. So here we go: go for a walk, go to the beach, eat an ice cream, have a big mug of tea, eat some chocolate, play with your dog/cat, book a holiday, take time off work, and watch a good film. Help at all?

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3 responses to “FAQ

  1. Bwahahahahahah.

  2. I love it! I always get the weirdest searches too… I may eventually rip you off on this one! 😛

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