Oh dear…

Dr Google has a lot to answer for.

So does the inner workings of my mind, to be fair.

After yesterday’s (yes, I am feeling less sorry for myself now, you’ll be glad to hear) sensible thoughts that I wasn’t pregnant, today’s thoughts have been rather less sensible.

I had a nosebleed this morning. I was sitting, eating my breakfast, talking to a friend on Facebook chat (why was she up and talking? Oh yes, she has a baby. Anyway.) and I thought my nose had started to run. It hadn’t. So after cleaning my olfactory apparatus up, I did the most sensible thing I could think of. Yes, you guessed it, I decided to google whether nosebleeds were a sign of early pregnancy. Apparently, they are. But so are ninety million other things, including deciding to paint your bedroom green. (OK, I made that one up. Or did I?) I came to the only logical conclusion: I must be pregnant.

This conclusion was later made more solid by the fact that, when cleaning the house (my hands, they shall smell of green apple wipes for ever more) frantically this afternoon (the estate agent wants to do a viewing tomorrow morning) I noticed that I had vague cramps in my lower abdomen whilst vacuuming. Instead of reaching the normal conclusion that 1) vacuuming is bad for you; and 2) I should make someone else do it while I lounge on the sofa eating chocolate and drinking tea, I felt this could mean only one thing. That I was pregnant.

Sometimes my logic surprises even me.

Somebody slap me? Or give me a new brain that doesn’t jump to ridiculous conclusions?

*rolls eyes, sighs, goes off to soak hands in something other than green apple cleaning fluid*


5 responses to “Oh dear…

  1. *tentatively proffers internet peesticks of such sensitivity that they can diagnose pregnancy from the next town merely by holding one in the wind*

    But then, I always had to know Straight Away. It may not be the best course, naturally.

  2. I once did an experiment when I made up symptoms and googled them combined with the phrase “early pregnancy” . The only thing I could think of that didn’t come up was verrucas.

    But of course that doesn’t mean that you aren’t pregnant…

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