This morning, as well as having had a dream that I was Harry Potter, and having to fight off Death who was a midget with a blunt sword (?!) I woke up to some post.
My appointment with Mr Gynae Who I Hope Will Cure Me has come through. There I was, expecting a normal outpatient clinic appointment, probably in a few months’ time (I know the NHS well, me). Instead, what I received was an appointment for the hysteroscopy clinic, on 22nd February. Now, after some speedy calculation, I worked out that the 22nd February is probably OK – I shouldn’t be having my period then (unless my dream comes true, I have a 2 day luteal phase and my uterus starts disintegrating, of course) but I am pretty scared now.
Firstly, it is so soon! I was expecting an outpatient appointment first, if I’m honest, during which time he would not take my fears seriously and try to convince me that my uterus was completely normal.
I suppose the fact that he’s booked me straight in for a hysteroscopy means that he is taking me seriously, that he does feel that there’s something wrong in there, something which needs sorting out. I knew all of this already, of course, I know there’s something wrong there. I know I should be pleased that I’m finally finding out, that I’m being taken seriously, that he seems to know what he’s doing and what the answer is, and I am. I just wish it didn’t have to be this way (don’t we all, though?). I wish I could be one of those women who could get pregnant easily, and who didn’t have to deal with this.
And I’m also scared. What is having a hysteroscopy when awake like? How much does it hurt? Do I need to take drugs before I go? What am i going to be like afterwards? Crampy? Sore? Like after a hysteroscopy under GA but without the wooziness? Do they anaesthetise your cervix? How? Can anybody shed some light? WFI?