Pregnancy, pregnancy everywhere…

Except here that is. Don’t make the same mistake that Pregnancy-Obsessed Lady GP would no doubt make were I to see her regarding my absolutely ridiculous uterus. I have every confidence that she’d swear I could be, despite the coil, despite the rubbish endometrium, despite everything, she’d insist on yet more donations of my precious bodily fluids “just to check”. I’m certain she gets paid for every pregnancy test she does. She’s pregnant too, by the way.

I seem to be surrounded by women about to give birth. I had an email from a friend in the UK this morning telling me that I could just “get a surrogate.” If only it were that easy, sweetie. Obviously I’m not saying surrogacy is easy, far, far from it, I know that. Am not sure she does.

My friend, lets call her H, is pregnant. She was due yesterday in fact. I had the misfortune to see her on Sunday evening at church. A combination of a service talking about “how women will be saved by childbirth” (yeah, thanks for that, really. Does that mean that the church thinks the multitudes of infertile women and miscarrying women out there aren’t worth saving??) and how “women shouldn’t teach men” (um, how on earth would they ever learn anything then??), women in the congregation thinking that this is fine, and not at all sexist (where has feminism gone? Are feminism/equality and religion mutually exclusive??) and very pregnant H. H is a lovely woman, don’t get me wrong, but she did sit right in front of me, and then was crowded by excited gushing people asking her when she was due etc. I sat there thinking about our baby, who was due next Thursday, and how it wasn’t fair, and how I’d give any amount of anything, to have her back and still due.

I couldn’t look at H. I know it’s horrible of me, but I just couldn’t. She turned round and looked at me and I ran out of the church in tears. I did text her later to explain, and she was very understanding, but it was too much, and too unfair that we lost our baby. Too unfair that anyone loses their baby. I cried and cried all the way home, and again when I got home. It felt like it did when we first lost her. It felt so raw.

There is even a pregnant woman giving birth on TV right now… I have switched onto the cricket. I hate cricket.

 

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8 responses to “Pregnancy, pregnancy everywhere…

  1. What exactly is a coil?

    • Um… it’s also known as an IUD, or IUCD. It’s a contraceptive device that sits in the uterus to prevent pregnancy. In my case, it’s there to try and prevent the walls of the uterus sticking back together. It’s used for AS surgery in the UK instead of balloon catheters.
      x

  2. Some days are just awful. Something happens and rips all the layers and layers of band-aid right off leaving everything bleeding and raw all over again. I am so sorry.

    About your church – given that it’s a little… hmmm… old-fashioned? about women and fertility, and that this is not stuff you agree with and are finding it less-than-comforting to have to listen to, is there not another church you could go to instead, with a more progressive attitude? Obviously, I don’t know how many churches of the right denomination are in your area, and I don’t know if there are important reasons (family, community, faith, sorts of things) why you feel you must stick with THIS church, so my question may be completely irrelevant and what you actually need is the strength of mind to live with it for the moment. In which case, I wish you that. Me? I’d’ve stood up and made a great big bellowing fuss about both statements right there and then, but my faith circuit got broken long ago and so I’d have no reason NOT to make a fuss about something I saw as unfair and sexist. Hell, I’d have no reason to be in the church in the first place. Probably best to ignore me altogether on this one.

    (About the coil – is it the sort with progesterone or other slow-release hormones, like a Mirena? They can cause much lighter bleeding in perfectly boring and ordinary uteruses, you see, so I wondered… because it’s a hopeful jolly wonder. I am hugely sorry if it’s not).

    • Thanks, May. I know you know how it feels too. I wish that neither of us did.
      The coil is not the mirena. It’s a normal copper coil, without hormones… thanks for the hope though…
      As for the church – well to be honest I was quite shocked on Sunday. It always seemed like a quite forward-thinking church, and then they came out with all that rubbish. I was also shocked by the other women seeming to think this was fine. I decided on Sunday not to go back there, it’s obviously so fundamentally different to what I think is right. I just didn’t have the strength to say so then, without becoming a blubbering mess…
      xxx

      • Oh, incidentally, the church that we got married in was quite old-fashioned, as in they made you sing part of the service and was all quite formal etc. They had no issues with women teaching or anything like that. Which is why I was so surprised and confused that such an apparently modern church would?!

  3. I don’t know where you are in Sydney, but the church my brother goes to is reasonably “high” (ie formal). http://stpeterscremorne.org.au

  4. I say the same thing about seeing pregnant people. But my husband says that there have always been pregnant people and I am just noticing them more. I’m dreading the baby showers that I will probably be invited to and I will have to go as I am family and I will have to put a brave face on but I have no idea how to . So, I know what you mean. It’s bitter sweet. xx

    • So far, I have managed to flat-out refuse to go to baby showers. But they were friends, who’ve miscarried in the past, and so understood. Family is a whole different prospect though, I guess you can’t really refuse. I haven’t found my “brave face” yet, I don’t know where they sell them. Hugs to you xxx

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